Sextortion is a growing problem in Australia, in which teenage males are primarily targeted. Read on for our advice for parents on what to do if their child is a victim of this crime.
It’s a typical, busy day in your family; school drop-offs, pick-ups, training for your eldest, and dance class for your youngest.
Dinner was late, and one of your kids was texting a friend, assuring you that it was about homework. Then dishes, bed and just for a second, the house is silent.
Buzz.
You glance down at the coffee table and see your son’s phone light up.
Buzz.
You see that your son has missed a call from a contact that you don’t recognise. You think that maybe you should take a look, but you know that the messages will appear as ‘read’, so you decide to leave it.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
As you wipe down the kitchen bench, his phone buzzes three more times from the same person. That’s it. You decide that you’re going to check this out.
The colour drains from your face as you realise that your 16-year-old son is messaging with a stranger.
Your investigation finds that he has been messaging with someone who claims to be a girl in her 20s living overseas. While the messages started out friendly, they quickly turned inappropriate and sexual. In fact, the stranger keeps asking your son to take an intimate photo of himself and send it to them.
You’ve just spent half the night with your son - what’s going on? You feel sick to your stomach. What in the world should you do?
Firstly, take a deep breath in.
Remember they’re a victim
Before you take any action, remember that your child may be a victim of a crime that specifically targets young people for money.
We want you to know that you are not alone in this and that this can happen to any family.
In Australia, the Australian Federal Police are receiving more than 100 reports per month of sextortion.
Sextortion is a growing problem
Sextortion is a form of online blackmail where someone tricks you into sending your sexual images and then threatens to share them unless their demands are met.
Offshore crime syndicates are targeting teenagers, especially 15-17-year-old males, then coercing them into sending sexually explicit content and then blackmailing them for money. Data has found that 90 per cent of victims are males.
We want to offer four tips for moving forward:
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Stay informed
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Keep communication open with your young person
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Know where and how to report this crime
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Consider introducing a phone contract to your family
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Stay informed
Sextortion is a growing issue and parents of young people need to be aware of it. As they navigate the digital world, young people are up against challenges that didn’t even exist a generation ago. As a parent, you can help your young person to navigate these challenges by staying informed of current issues.
We recommend that you head to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE) website. They have excellent resources for parents and young people navigating the online world.
Explore the ThinkUKnow website. The Australian Federal Police run thinkUKnow with the aim of helping parents and caregivers to stay informed on issues of online safety.
Keep communication open with your young person
Currently, the young person is forming an emotional connection with this person. In this case, the 16-year-old is receiving the attention of an older female of a sexual nature, which will be quite powerful for his adolescent brain. As a parent or caregiver, you need to help him use his thinking brain and start to doubt that this person is who they say they are. You need to help him think, “hey, this may not be real”. The way to do this is through open conversation.
If you confront him about it, that could likely induce a lot of shame, and ultimately, his restoration and full recovery from this experience are what we want. So if you can, try to create a space where you can have open conversations with him and ask him leading questions, rather than coming right out about it. See our suggestions below.
Leading questions
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Have you heard of sextortion?
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What would you do if someone asked you for a picture?
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How do you know that the person you are interacting with online is who they say they are?
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What would you do if you sent a picture and then the person you sent it to started to ask for more pictures or asked you for money?
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Would you feel comfortable coming and talking to me about this?
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If you didn't feel comfortable speaking to me about it, who could/would you speak to?
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Further suggestions
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Watch a short video that explains sextortion (see ‘Resources’ below) and say something about it, like, “We’ve heard that this is a growing problem for teenage boys. What do you think about this?” Hopefully, they will open up about it.
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Watch the documentary ‘The Children in the Pictures’ together with your young person (see ‘Resources’ below). The Children in the Pictures is a documentary made by ACCCE, all about online child sexual exploitation. It’s free to watch on SBS on demand, but be mindful that the rating is MA15+ due to the nature of the topic. If you watch it with your young person, have a discussion afterwards, and see if they open up.
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If you’re asking leading questions, but he doesn’t open up about it, you could tell him that you had to check his phone, as you were worried about him, and you stumbled across the conversation with this person. This could be a gentle conversation reminding him that this is not his fault and that they’re not upset with him. Understand that they may not initially be open to receiving that they have been manipulated. It can be a very shocking realisation for the young person. You could then show him the research from the AFP and ACCCE (see ‘Resources’ below), so that he will understand what the intentions of this person really are and this will, once again, help him to switch on his thinking brain and make the realisation that this person isn’t who they say they are.
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